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lex·i·con:(lek⁄si kên),n. 1.a
dictionary, especially of an ancient language. 2. a special
vocabulary, as of a science.
-Webster's New World Dictionary |
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Welcome to the Lexicon!
Confounded by the slang and colorful metaphors
emanating from your radio on the way home from work? The LEXICON is a handy guide to the terminology you will
encounter on the JOHN AND KEN SHOW. Never confront your
afternoon drive without this knowledge again!
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Banana Scanner: Grocery store worker. Disgruntled and
uneducated, these union thugs provide grudging customer service and complain
incessantly about their jobs, supervisors, and their very existence to and from
their many coffee breaks. |
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Beige Stucco Box: Southern California suburban tract home - typical
subdivision example with stucco, tile roof, and SUV in the driveway. Deserves contempt.
A home that is devoid of character, personality, and
individuality. Not worthy of ownership. |
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Bottom of the Hour: Talk radio jargon; refers to the half hour. (i.e., 5:30 is the bottom of the 5 o'clock hour.)
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Broccoli Stalk: A mentally challenged person, one who
cannot think for him / herself and is easily swayed by crooked politicians,
defense attorneys, and media hype. Ideal jury member candidate. |
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Customer Service Desk: Recurring hour of the John and Ken program. They invite listeners to call in to voice their complaints or concerns about the program. This hour seems to attract a lot of old ladies. Invariably, the callers are hung up on without any action being taken. However, it is a nice gesture. |
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Car Pool Lane: Left hand lane of a freeway, indicated by a large diamond
symbol. Used as an express lane on the 405 by John Kobylt. (while he is driving
alone!) Viewed as a symbol of elitism. |
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Emiliano Limon: Former producer of the old John and Ken Show. John used to pick on Emiliano for his supposed weight and ineptitude.
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First Time Caller: Someone who has just been hung up on. Click. |
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Foul: A John Kobylt description for anything that is disgusting. He uses this expression quite frequently. It is always easy to tell a fellow J&K show fan, because they also use this term.
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Fry the Menendi: Barbecue held in 1996 to bring publicity to J&K's stance that the Erik and Lyle Menendez should be executed for their 1989 murder of their parents. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and they weren't given death. The J&K show coined the term "Menendi" (plural for "Menendez") during the course of their 1996 trial.
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Ghoul Pool: Annual contest held each January with points awarded by John and Ken to listeners who accurately predict which celebrities will die during the year. They give prizes to the listener with the most points. Only partial points are given for old, infirm, or sickly celebrities.
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Gumby: Term of derision for the most
stellar example of elected officialdom that ever existed:
California Governor Joe "Lowbeam" Davis. Based upon his "more
than passing" resemblance to the animated character. |
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Hats and Robes: John Kobylt description for the
United Nations. He accurately and colorfully describes them as posturing
figureheads with little real relevance, except to promote anti-Americanism
on the U.S. taxpayer dime. |
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Hour of Food: Recurring J&K hour in which they spotlight disgusting food service or preparation. They invite callers to share their own food horror stories, the more disgusting the better! John Kobylt
frequently uses the term "Foul" (see above) during this hour, usually
accompanied by groans, wails, and shouts of "That's disgusting!" |
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Hour of O.J.: Everyone in Los Angeles covered the Ornethal James Simpson trial in 1995. J&K got a tremendous ratings boost by dedicating one of their daily broadcast hours to O.J. Simpson trial updates, including minutiae. Even with John Kobylt's uncontrollable ravings on the subject, it quickly became a tired, tired,
tired, tired, tired topic. |
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Hour of Old People: Hour of the J&K Show in which they invite old people only to call in. The "No Mocking Rule" (see below) is in effect for this hour. Usually, this hour turns into half an hour, because John Kobylt seems to have little tolerance for the aged.
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Hour of Rage: Recurring hour of the John and Ken Show. In this hour, they invite callers to vent their wrath on any subject. The only requirement is that the caller must be MAD! Whiners,
inarticulate people, and callers without targets for their rage are promptly hung up on. Yelling and frothing at the mouth is a definite plus. |
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"I Totally Agree With You...": Self-immolating
statement usually inflicted upon the hapless audience by a first time caller
(see above). Immediate hang-up results, unless the caller happens to be
ranting against car pool lanes. |
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JFK Jr. Hand Wringer: Same as a Princess Diana Hand Wringer (see below). This person felt so deeply affected by the 1999 death of JFK Jr. that (s)he called in sick to work, and moaned and wailed about the "death of Camelot."
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John Kobylt Scale of Intelligence: The more teeth you have, the more intelligent you are. (i.e., if you are a toothless hillbilly living in the Ozark Mountains, you probably are not very intelligent according to the Kobylt scale.) Generally, people low on the Kobylt Scale of intelligence can count only as high as 21
(if their fly is open) and must regularly change the tires on their house.
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Loxi: Former hapless screener to the old John and Ken Show. Her appearance was a
closely guarded secret. |
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Mental Patient: John Kobylt term for someone that doesn't have both oars in the water, is a couple cans short of a six pack, has too much yardage between the goal posts, is a few clowns short of a circus, is missing a few buttons on their remote control, is a couple tacos short of a combo platter, the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, is a few fries short of a Happy Meal, is not steering with both hands, has the lights on but is definitely not home, is one Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl, a couple soldiers short of a platoon, their belt doesn't go through all the loops, is a few peas short of a casserole, has cargo rolling around in the hold, etc. Educators, psychics, vegans, politicians,
Gray "Joe" Davis, and "Princess Diana hand wringers" (see below) are commonly referred to.
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Misguided Station: Term used to describe KFI AM 640 while John and Ken
were in exile at Talk Radio 790 KABC during 1999-2000. Usage: "...when we were at the misguided station,
they never let us..." Of course, this was before they discovered the evils
of "Mouse Management" (see below) |
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Mouse Management: Term referring to the timid Disney
management team of Talk Radio KABC. John and Ken weren't used to being
muzzled until the Mighty Mouse showed them the iron fist of oppression!
Unemployment followed soon thereafter. |
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Moron: One of the many colorful classifications of people other than John and Ken!
Synonymous usage with the concept of "jury member." See
"Broccoli Stalk" and "Mental Patient" above.
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NIMBY: Not In My Back Yard. Typical
attitude of people that want larger freeways, more prisons,
bigger sewage treatment plants, bigger shopping malls, and more
office buildings - just as long as it is somewhere else.
Frequent complainer. |
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No Mocking Rule: This is an attempt to restrain John Kobylt's bellicosity. He pledges to his callers and/or guests that he will not mock their point of view like he usually does so they can finish their story, explanation, or guest appearance. Rarely successful.
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Nutball: See "Mental Patient." |
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Pocho: "Spanglish" term
for a Mexican that isn't truly Hispanic - for example, a Mexican
person that can't speak Spanish. Coconut. (Brown outside, white
inside!) |
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Princess Diana Hand Wringer: A mental patient. This person feels emotionally devastated by the 1997 death of Princess Diana, to the extent that he or she sent flowers, wrote cards, and broke down in tears every time Diana's name was mentioned. This type of person spends their house (or trailer) payment on commemorative plates, dolls, pictures, T.V. Guide issues, and supposed scraps of Diana's wedding dress. Never mind the reality that the princess never did anything for this person (or anyone else, for that matter), and spent most of her life on vacation in her luxury yacht agonizing about her "stress" and "workload."
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Ray Lopez: Anonymous pocho producer of the John and Ken
Show. A sellout to the Mexican race, he can't even speak Spanish! However,
he IS a cool dude. |
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Spokes-Hole: A shill, hack, front-person, PR flack.
Typically a non-credible person propagating dubious PR canned statements to
support unbelievable or unpopular viewpoints/legislation. |
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Suburban: Former large, black wheeled conveyance for John Kobylt. Source
of frequent bragging about the number of cars he cut off in traffic. John
once had a bad experience with a small Korean car, so he decided to go to
the opposite extreme. |
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Top of the Hour: Talk radio jargon; refers to the end/beginning of the hour. (i.e., 6:00 is the top of the 6 o'clock hour.)
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Whole Language Theory: Wacky educational theory prevalent in California that made an entire generation of kids illiterate. The basic premise of the theory is that the ability to read and write is inherent in the human brain from birth, and it will develop naturally. Therefore, teachers must not criticize kids for misspellings but rather build their self esteem. The end result: lots of burger flippers that can't read their own paycheck.
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Zero Tolerance Policies: Another interesting California education trend. The school administrators will not tolerate any drugs, guns, or other disciplinary infractions. Period. The end result: Kids thrown out of school for sharing aspirin (damned drug dealers!), Altoids (The little peppermint tablets sure LOOK like drugs!), having a pink toy pistol that shoots foam (the little criminal might hold up the lunch counter), or bringing that deadliest weapon of all to school, the butter knife! Hoo boy. And people wonder why the education system is going into the toilet.
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